Marry Me

Owen Wilson better be careful lest he becomes the go-to for aging Latino MILFs. Last year he managed to save Bliss from Salma Hayek’s strident overacting, but he has no such luck with Jennifer Lopez in Marry Me. Now, to be fair, the movie’s failure is not her fault, and she acquits herself a lot better than Hayek did; it also helps that Lopez is essentially playing herself – a mega popstar with a string of failed marriages. And whereas she isn’t an acting prodigy, nor is, for that matter, Maluma, who plays her temporary fiancee, they are nevertheless performers who know their way around a stage and are extremely comfortable in front of an audience. It’s no surprise then that the only genuine moments in Marry Me take place during a sold-out show – that is, of course, until Kat Valdez (Lopez), having discovered, right before they are supposed to tie the knot in between musical numbers that Bastian (Maluma) has been unfaithful, has what can only be termed as a psychotic break and decides to pick out a random dude from the audience and marry him on the spot instead. Let’s put it like this: this plot is too outlandish even for Wilson, and he has been in several Wes Anderson films. The reason that Charlie (Wilson) is at the concert is pretty random itself; Parker (Sarah Silverman), her friend and colleague – they are both teachers, or at least he is a math teacher that, as it often occurs in the movies, has only a handful of students in his charge; she on the other hand mostly appears to just hang around the school –, planned to attend the show with her girlfriend, but her girlfriend broke up with her, so she asks Charlie to come and bring her daughter along. Ok, so this is the hottest show in town – sold out, as I mentioned above –, but Parker just happens to conveniently have a third ticket available; still harder to believe is that her girlfriend didn't wait until after the concert to break up with her. Anyway, that very same night Kat is already the butt of Jimmy Fallon’s jokes on The Tonight Show – which is obviously impossible because The Tonight Show doesn’t air live; in fact, it is taped in the afternoon and broadcast hours later. But who knows? Maybe Jimmy is clairvoyant and, having seen the whole thing coming, pre-taped a few pertinent jokes. All things considered, you know you’re in big trouble when your movie makes less overall sense than Notting Hill.